Happy Halloween!

All of the 50% off sales on candy give me little reason to bake up any treats this week (although America's Test Kitchen has been beguiling me with this killer brownie recipe... it will be posted soon), but this was too sweet not to share with you all.

I know, I know. Kissing pictures. ew. And if we're facebook friends, you've already seen this. Sorry for the redundancy. But I was really proud of this Halloween inspiration, and when you only get to wear something once, you have to post pictures everywhere.

We're supposed to be these two, if you didn't recognize the iconic pose: 

[drifting]

The list of things I should be doing
is long enough to wrap around me.
Three times around me.
But the play of the clouds
won't let me focus
on all those waiting things,
waiting for that check mark that means
freedom is one scribble closer.

But they can wait.
They won't change.
But this hazy blanket of grey
is never the same.
I watch it crawl across the sky,
slowly overtaking the brilliant white cumulus
that floats high, shining in the pale blue.
Spring defying the winter gloom.

Beyond the grey,
the clouds look warm and soft,
gentle under the sun,
mimicking the way I feel.
And as the snow starts to drift past my window
while the sun still shines through,
I think of how nice it would be
to watch this struggle across the blue
from the warmth of your arms,
to feel the sun on my face
and listen
as you tell me
precisely why the clouds form the way they do.

And then I'd tell you the truth of why
they curl up on the edges that way.
See that swirl, there?
That's a smirk.
They would look down and see us here,
a mix of white and brown,
blue and grey.
And they'd be jealous.
Because not even drifting
across that hopeful blue sky
could feel this perfect.

Love is in the Air

Everyone, no seriously, I am not exaggerating, EVERYONE is getting engaged. I think there have been 5 new engagement albums pop up on my facebook since last Friday. There are about 7 couples just in my singles ward. I have gotten three bridal shower invitations in a week. Don't get me wrong, I really am very happy for all you lover birds. It's just...it's weird.

I am now the exact same age that my mother was when she married my dad. I think I'm the only girl from my home ward in Idaho my age that ISN'T married. I feel like an old maid & I'm not even twenty. & I am still much too silly to be married. I'm not ready to grow up that much yet.

Not that I'm in any rush... life as a single lady is just way too good to let go of just yet. I am still much to silly to be married. I'm not ready to grow up that much yet...but there are couples everywhere. & I...I...I just needed to say something about it. I feel better now.

And for all you blissful newly engaged lovers - check out THIS AWESOME WEBSITE. My cousin & her husband have been doing photography for years, but they've just decided to really go for it and make it their business. Tell them you know me & Alvin will pull funny faces to make you smile genuinely. :D

Hope & Comfort

I'm one of those people who really like to mark up their scriptures. You know the people I'm talking about - their scriptures are covered in that signature "LDS Scripture Marker" red. I think I've inherited this tendency from my daddy, whose scriptures are virtually unreadable in some places. I take it even a step further. My scriptures look like a multi-colored quilt and every color has an assigned meaning or time period. (I'm currently in my blue period.) I'm constantly writing notes and important happenings in the margins. Some of my friends think so much color is sacrilegious. I think it's awesome - I love looking back and seeing what scriptures meant a lot to me three years ago or where I was reading when so-and-so got their mission call.

Why the discussion of my polychromatic study habits? Well, there's one scripture in John that has reached the unreadable level, but it doesn't much matter, because I have it memorized. It has been one of my very favorite scriptures for a very long time. In it, Jesus Christ simply states, "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

When I was younger, this scripture brought tranquility when I woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. When I was a little bit older, it meant peace when girls were mean and I was lonely in those awkward junior high years. During my sophomore year of high school, it took on yet another meaning when my daddy suffered a relapse of his Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, and I hated to have people watch me struggle, so I told almost no one. I was really good at putting on a happy face, but I wanted so badly for someone to call me out, to realize that I was fighting for control of my life and my emotions...and loosing. But even then, I found comfort in the scriptures, knowing that I had an Older Brother and Savior who loves me deeply and personally. "I will not leave you..." That intimate phrase seemed directed right for me - my Savior was there by my side when I needed Him most.

And so that brings us to today. Commence Round Three. That little Lymphoma monster that has been sleeping for four years is back. We're still playing the waiting game with test results right now, but the tentative plan is for Daddy to start chemo within the next week. However, the tests that he's been doing for the past 2 weeks have given us many things to be grateful for and there are many treatment options that weren't available just four years ago. (For my good friends that are hearing about this for the first time through blog, I am so very sorry. I'm still not very good at telling people.)

In the last round, I refused to let my friends in when so many of them would have been more than happy to help me through a hard time. But I'm not going to hide behind a facade this time. Sometimes I can't keep my happy face, but I always keep my faith. I believe in the power of prayer. Already we've seen so many miracles and there is much to be grateful for. But my daddy could use your prayers and your positive thoughts.

Also, I know there are many others out there who are fighting similar battles. I'd like to help. I've been through this a few times now - sometimes I handle it really well, sometimes I don't. But I've learned a few things that I'd like to share:
-you can choose to be happy -your attitude is totally up to you
-there is always a silver lining
-hugs and friends are wonderful
-just knowing that people are pulling for you is very powerful
-miracles happen everyday
-laughter is the best medicine
-happiness can be shared
-Our Savior loves each of us and knows how to help us through any trial
-prayers are often answered through people - let them in!
Well, friends, now you know. A few of my blogs have already been about all of this, and I'm sure that many in the future will be, just so you know where I'm coming from. I love you all. Thank you for your support and prayers. Be happy - life is beautiful.

Proposition 8

I'm usually not one for political bashing and I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been the most adamant follower of the recent election or the debate of Proposition 8 in California.

BUT

I was reading a few news stories this morning and tripped on to a few websites that appalled me. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormon Church) has been brutally slandered by the campaign against Prop 8. A commercial has been aired that show two LDS missionaries breaking into the house of a lesbian couple, taking away their rings, and shredding their marriage license. Where do you people come up with this stuff?! NOTHING could be further from the truth. The LDS Church does not support gay marriage, but this is just ridiculous.

These hateful attacks are just that - pure hate. We have shown respect for those we disagree with, and they have returned that respect with lies, false accusations, and slander. Talk about intolerance.

How could there be goodness in a movement fueled by so much hate? I will freely admit, the LDS Church isn't free from problems. It is a massive religious organization run by human beings with human faults. Leaders make mistakes. People do terrible things. But the poor choices of a few Mormons does NOT make the entire Church evil! We have our flaws, but that is what makes us human. I'm sure that I could find criminal cases involving lesbians, but I'm not going to pin that on the entire gay community.

Let's show a little respect for each other. We can disagree without such hate and cruelty. As I learned in LDS Primary as a child, "Kindness Begins with Me."

Going Under?

Sometimes I feel like I'm barely staying on top of all the things I have to do, barely making the cut, barely staying a float. And I'm pretty good at floating. But this college business... it's hard! I think I need about 8 more hours in a day! But my clock doesn't usually agree. Cue the sinking feeling...

After realizing what a crazy busy week was awaiting me, I was ready my scriptures last night. I was reading through Matthew yet again and came upon some scriptures in Matthew 14: 27-32:

" 27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."

Sometimes when I get super busy like now, I feel like I'm sinking just like Peter. I get so busy watching my feet and trying to make all my deadlines that I forget the important stuff, like my family or my goal to be more kind. Everything gets out of whack and I begin to focus solely on my own safety, just like Peter. But when I remember where my focus really should be, it helps put everything into perspective. And I know that Christ loves me and will keep me above water when I feel like I'm going under. Jesus will stretch out His hand and lift me up to where I belong.

The Good News

I have a big brother who I love very, very much. We're not actually siblings, not even cousins, not even related at all, but we've been through a lot together. He helped me survive my sophmore year of high school and my daddy's first relapse. I'm his go to girl when he's incredibly bored and needs some one to talk to while driving tractor for endless hours. We go on dates so we can make fun of the couples that double with us. He's my Tater Bro and I'm his Lil' Spitz. Sometimes a girl just needs a big brother to take care of her, and Tate is an awesome brother to have. I am so glad he adopted me. ;D

This dear brother of mine called me last night to tell me the best piece of news I have heard in a long time: He's going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have never heard so much determination or emotion in Tate's voice as when he said, "There's no if about this anymore; I'm GOING on a mission." I am SO incredibly proud of him.

We spent quite a bit of time on the phone last night, talking about missionaries, focus, the Spirit, and sharing the Gospel (or, as I have recently learned in my New Testament class, "The Good News"). We shared many personal thoughts, insights, and tears. (I'm lucky I didn't short circuit my phone, actually, I was quite weepy.) This has been a long time coming for Tate, and now he's struggling a bit with keeping his focus, so I gave him a To Do List, which I wanted to share with all of you. Now, I'm not the kind of person that regularly makes lists of goals, so this is a bit out of the ordinary for me, but the Spirit was so incredibly strong when we were discussing the list, I felt like it needed to be shared.

1) Pray - Get down on your knees and bare your heart. Put it all on the line and ask the Lord for comfort, guidance, & strength.

2) Read your Scriptures prayerfully and diligently - Really search for answers, encouragement, and direction.

3) Make a list of reasons you want to serve a mission.

4) Make a list of reasons that you are grateful for the Gospel - revise missionary list.

5) Spread the news - tell your friends and family that you're going, ask for their prayers and support, and tell everyone how excited you are to serve the Lord!

6) Get those papers in!
(LDS missionaries must apply to serve a mission, finance their mission, and accept the call to serve, whether it be in Salt Lake City, Mexico, Bulgaria, or any of the 348 mission areas worldwide. See Missionary PR or mormon.org)


7) Remember that you have a little sister who supports you, believes in you, and loves you very much.

#1, #2, and #7 are infinite. This one goes out to you, my Tater Bro, and all the other missionaries, past, present, and, most especially, future! Go forth! Work hard! Spread the "Good News!"