Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Hope & Comfort

I'm one of those people who really like to mark up their scriptures. You know the people I'm talking about - their scriptures are covered in that signature "LDS Scripture Marker" red. I think I've inherited this tendency from my daddy, whose scriptures are virtually unreadable in some places. I take it even a step further. My scriptures look like a multi-colored quilt and every color has an assigned meaning or time period. (I'm currently in my blue period.) I'm constantly writing notes and important happenings in the margins. Some of my friends think so much color is sacrilegious. I think it's awesome - I love looking back and seeing what scriptures meant a lot to me three years ago or where I was reading when so-and-so got their mission call.

Why the discussion of my polychromatic study habits? Well, there's one scripture in John that has reached the unreadable level, but it doesn't much matter, because I have it memorized. It has been one of my very favorite scriptures for a very long time. In it, Jesus Christ simply states, "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

When I was younger, this scripture brought tranquility when I woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. When I was a little bit older, it meant peace when girls were mean and I was lonely in those awkward junior high years. During my sophomore year of high school, it took on yet another meaning when my daddy suffered a relapse of his Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, and I hated to have people watch me struggle, so I told almost no one. I was really good at putting on a happy face, but I wanted so badly for someone to call me out, to realize that I was fighting for control of my life and my emotions...and loosing. But even then, I found comfort in the scriptures, knowing that I had an Older Brother and Savior who loves me deeply and personally. "I will not leave you..." That intimate phrase seemed directed right for me - my Savior was there by my side when I needed Him most.

And so that brings us to today. Commence Round Three. That little Lymphoma monster that has been sleeping for four years is back. We're still playing the waiting game with test results right now, but the tentative plan is for Daddy to start chemo within the next week. However, the tests that he's been doing for the past 2 weeks have given us many things to be grateful for and there are many treatment options that weren't available just four years ago. (For my good friends that are hearing about this for the first time through blog, I am so very sorry. I'm still not very good at telling people.)

In the last round, I refused to let my friends in when so many of them would have been more than happy to help me through a hard time. But I'm not going to hide behind a facade this time. Sometimes I can't keep my happy face, but I always keep my faith. I believe in the power of prayer. Already we've seen so many miracles and there is much to be grateful for. But my daddy could use your prayers and your positive thoughts.

Also, I know there are many others out there who are fighting similar battles. I'd like to help. I've been through this a few times now - sometimes I handle it really well, sometimes I don't. But I've learned a few things that I'd like to share:
-you can choose to be happy -your attitude is totally up to you
-there is always a silver lining

-hugs and friends are wonderful

-just knowing that people are pulling for you is very powerful

-miracles happen everyday
-laughter is the best medicine

-happiness can be shared

-Our Savior loves each of us and knows how to help us through any trial

-prayers are often answered through people - let them in!
Well, friends, now you know. A few of my blogs have already been about all of this, and I'm sure that many in the future will be, just so you know where I'm coming from. I love you all. Thank you for your support and prayers. Be happy - life is beautiful.

7 comments:

Shankar said...

Sorry to hear about your father. The Hansons were telling me a little about it at Church on Sunday (when I told them I'd discovered your blog through theirs). Sister Hanson cannot say enough nice things about you. So, you've got a few people pulling for you all the way over in Southern India.

Kels H. said...

Thank you so much - I'm glad you've discovered my blog. The Hansons are wonderful, they've been pulling for me for a long time. I love them very much.

Corrie said...

sniff, sniff, you are just the BEST!!
I love you the mostest...

BEAZER said...

your blog makes me want to make mine less lame and more amazing.

it's sweet how the gospel makes people invincible, in a sense that these things can attack our bodies or emotions, but the promises are still sure. best wishes to your pops.

five foot two wants to dance with you said...

Kelsey,
It is no coincidence we are roommates. I admire you so much.

We laugh. We dance. We cry.
Thank you for being there when I need someone.

I luhg you.

p.s. This makes me want to write a 'my daddy's sick too' blog. We'll see. :)

bgerson said...

You are such an amazing girl!
Even though sometimes its hard to let people know what we are through or have gone through, i believe we are all more connected than we think and if we let others in we have the ability to help them through their hard times or not feel alone in our feelings.
We love your family and are hoping and praying for your dad! love you!!

Shankar said...

I didn't know where else to post this, but have you checked out the RSO newsletters at http://www.risingstaroutreach.org/newsletter? There are some great stories about other people who are also struggling against great adversity.