Things Are Always Brighter in the Morning

Last night was not one of my best. I finally crawled into my bed more than a little bit stressed about the pile of homework looming ahead of me, a bit discouraged by some situations back in the States, and emotionally and physically exhausted. But before crashing, I read a few scriptures and prayed that things would look a bit brighter in the morning.

I woke up early to talk these some fabulous people who love me lots.

It must be said: my mom is a babe.

I had this song stuck in my head all day.

And I wandered around a city that looks like this:

Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Jerusalem

It's hard to stay down for long when you are so incredibly blessed. I am so grateful to know that God hears my prayers and gives me the comfort I need to see the sunshine and warmth beyond the clouds, even when I sometimes begin to question whether I deserve such love. I know that that same loving Father in Heaven cares for each and every one of His children, no matter where they are and regardless of what name they call Him. He gave us everything, not even withholding His only Son, Jesus Christ. God gave us His most Beloved Son as a Savior so that we might be comforted by One who understands our every pain and heartache. As I walked the same streets that my Savior once walked today, I felt the warmth of His love in the sun on my face.

Last night, I prayed for solace. My prayers were heard and answered, and this morning I awoke with a perfect brightness of hope. The world wasn't magically transfigured to give me a life of ease, but I know that with the love of my Savior and my Father in Heaven, I can face the curveballs that life throws. Things truly do look brighter in the morning.

(You should click on the links. They are all really good. I promise.)

The Way I Am

So, there's been a serious lack of blogging on my part lately, but when you spend all your time writing essays, writing just for fun looses a bit of its allure. However, I shall be going home to my beloved little hick town this summer & will have a LOT of free time. And as we all know, a lot of free time = a lot of random ramblings on my part.

Also - I would like to officially welcome Mr. Keaton Jolley, whose name fits him so perfectly it's astounding, to this little blogging circle. You should check out his blog, he's got some pretty spiffy stuff going.

Oh, blogging... what a wonderful journey of self expression and self discovery. Try it. You'll be addicted, but in a good way, like you get addicted to running or swimming or chocolate. :) I know a lot of my posts don't really seem to have a point, but just know, they are always inspired by whatever I'm musing about most. Sometimes you lucky people just get to read the thoughts that spill over - sometimes there's not room in my head for all of it, so this is where it goes.

Lastly, Happy Easter! I love Easter - I love all the trees in bloom, the fresh green grass, the promise of summer on the way. And mostly I love my Savior. I am so grateful for His sacrifice so that I might be able to live with Him and my family after this life. He can be our constant help and companion if we just let Him in to our lives and hearts.

THIS is very tender and very applicable to each and every one of us.

Through His Name

Tomorrow is my last day in my New Testament class here at Brigham Young University. Whoa. Little bit of time vertigo. Can it really be time for finals already? Life blows by SO fast. Here are a few of my final thoughts as we wrap up this semester.

One of my favorite things that Dr. Holtzapfel highlighted this semester was in the 20th chapter of John, 31st verse, which reads, "But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name."

I suppose I've noticed this verse before, but I've never really taken the time to think about what it means, especially that last line - that believing ye might have life through his name. That really hit me in class Tuesday. These scriptures weren't written JUST so we can believe - that's definitely important, but it's not the main point.

So what's the main point? The main point is in how we live our lives. And we are to live our lives "through his name." This phrase has always interested me, partially because I don't fully understand it. But to me, it means living in a way that Jesus would support, in a way that He would be willing to claim you as His. You take a share in His name, you honor His name, and you show the way you feel about the Gospel through the way you live. Your everyday actions testify of Christ and His Gospel. You don't need to preach at anyone; rather, you live in a way that shows your testimony every day.

That being said, I have some goals. I figure if I post them here on the World Wide Web, I'll feel at least a little accountable and therefore, actually do them.
1-Stop Griping- Sometimes I get on these complaining rants, when really, I have nothing to complain about. I have an awesome life. I'm like, seriously, so blessed. (kidding, kidding...)
2-Oft Speak Kind Words- I can, on occasion, be a bit cruel in the comments I make. I need to stop that.
3-Care More About My Friends - I have really awesome friends & I'm not nearly as good to them as I should be.
4- Be a Better Listener - I don't always really focus on what someone else is saying to me, yet I get really annoyed when people don't pay attention or talk over me. That makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but I shall (try to) change.

Thanks to Dr. Holtzapfel for a great semester!

ALSO - I know the new color scheme & Christmas music is TOTALLY cheesy. But I don't care. I like Christmas & I felt like making a new header to show off my mad photoshop skills. So, feel free to think I'm ridiculous, but know I'm quite enjoying relishing in the Christmas Season & I don't care if you think I'm silly.

Hope & Comfort

I'm one of those people who really like to mark up their scriptures. You know the people I'm talking about - their scriptures are covered in that signature "LDS Scripture Marker" red. I think I've inherited this tendency from my daddy, whose scriptures are virtually unreadable in some places. I take it even a step further. My scriptures look like a multi-colored quilt and every color has an assigned meaning or time period. (I'm currently in my blue period.) I'm constantly writing notes and important happenings in the margins. Some of my friends think so much color is sacrilegious. I think it's awesome - I love looking back and seeing what scriptures meant a lot to me three years ago or where I was reading when so-and-so got their mission call.

Why the discussion of my polychromatic study habits? Well, there's one scripture in John that has reached the unreadable level, but it doesn't much matter, because I have it memorized. It has been one of my very favorite scriptures for a very long time. In it, Jesus Christ simply states, "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

When I was younger, this scripture brought tranquility when I woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. When I was a little bit older, it meant peace when girls were mean and I was lonely in those awkward junior high years. During my sophomore year of high school, it took on yet another meaning when my daddy suffered a relapse of his Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, and I hated to have people watch me struggle, so I told almost no one. I was really good at putting on a happy face, but I wanted so badly for someone to call me out, to realize that I was fighting for control of my life and my emotions...and loosing. But even then, I found comfort in the scriptures, knowing that I had an Older Brother and Savior who loves me deeply and personally. "I will not leave you..." That intimate phrase seemed directed right for me - my Savior was there by my side when I needed Him most.

And so that brings us to today. Commence Round Three. That little Lymphoma monster that has been sleeping for four years is back. We're still playing the waiting game with test results right now, but the tentative plan is for Daddy to start chemo within the next week. However, the tests that he's been doing for the past 2 weeks have given us many things to be grateful for and there are many treatment options that weren't available just four years ago. (For my good friends that are hearing about this for the first time through blog, I am so very sorry. I'm still not very good at telling people.)

In the last round, I refused to let my friends in when so many of them would have been more than happy to help me through a hard time. But I'm not going to hide behind a facade this time. Sometimes I can't keep my happy face, but I always keep my faith. I believe in the power of prayer. Already we've seen so many miracles and there is much to be grateful for. But my daddy could use your prayers and your positive thoughts.

Also, I know there are many others out there who are fighting similar battles. I'd like to help. I've been through this a few times now - sometimes I handle it really well, sometimes I don't. But I've learned a few things that I'd like to share:
-you can choose to be happy -your attitude is totally up to you
-there is always a silver lining
-hugs and friends are wonderful
-just knowing that people are pulling for you is very powerful
-miracles happen everyday
-laughter is the best medicine
-happiness can be shared
-Our Savior loves each of us and knows how to help us through any trial
-prayers are often answered through people - let them in!
Well, friends, now you know. A few of my blogs have already been about all of this, and I'm sure that many in the future will be, just so you know where I'm coming from. I love you all. Thank you for your support and prayers. Be happy - life is beautiful.

Behold

It's kind of an interesting word, don't you think? Behold- the way they say "look" in the scriptures. The dictionary definition goes like so:

behold |biˈhōld|
verb ( past and past part. -held |-ˈheld|) [ trans. ] [often in imperative ] archaic or poetic/literary
see or observe (a thing or person, esp. a remarkable or impressive one)

Nothing too remarkable about that. But here's where it gets cool:

ORIGIN Old English bihaldan, from bi- [thoroughly] + haldan [to hold.]

Now that's something to think about. It is if you're a word nerd like me, anyway. A lot of times we use "behold" as a very passive verb (I could get technical here, but I'll spare you the transitive/intransitive blah blah blah), but I don't think it is.

Behold.

Look.

But more than just that, really see something, look beyond the paint, see past the brushstrokes, and grasp on to the meaning of the painting. Emotion is what reaches off the wall and grabs your attention. Feel what the subject is feeling. One of the most popular scenes in religious art is the Annunciation. Usually I'm not much of a fan of these scenes, with their pious blue-clad Mary, lilies in a vase, and bowing angels with gaudy wings.
I imagine it a little differently. In my mind, the scene looks a little more like this:I imagine a timid Mary, startled by the presence of a heavenly messenger. I imagine she felt stunned as Gabriel told her that she had been chose to carry the Child who would someday save us all. I think she must have been a little afraid to take such a responsibility on her young shoulders. But Mary accepted this amazing calling. I say accepted because I believe she did have a choice. She could have turned away, she could have given in to her fears, she could have said NO.

She didn't. The master painters always portray Mary with that same gentle smile. She glows with patience, love, and most of all, an inner strength. She held Christ in her arms. He, the Savior of the World, was dependent on her for His every need. She accepted that incredible responsibility with a grace that I can only begin to imagine.

Behold.

Look a little closer. Think a little deeper. Put yourself there, breathe the air, see the sky, be a part of it. Behold the pure white glow of the lilies. Behold the tenderness of Mary. Behold the hesitance of Gabriel.


Behold how much He loves you. Behold how much He wants you to come unto Him.

Caught In Suspension

Have you ever felt like your falling, but not really going anywhere at all?

It seems like the past few weeks have been like that. Not that anything is going wrong, or that I have a terrible life, or anything even remotely depressing like that. I'm actually quite content with my life. Not only am I happy right now, but I have a lot of things to look forward to: going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, going to India next summer, some of my best friends get home from their missions in February, March, and June, two of my best friends are awaiting their mission calls, and I get to sleep in tomorrow. The future has the potential to be amazing. It's up to me to look at it that way. Life is good.

But still... I've just felt a bit unsettled of late, like I'm falling, but still managing to stay in the air. I'm not sure how exactly that works. I really do feel like I'm "caught in suspension" (Oh how I love the lyrical genius of Mae). Something is holding me, keeping me from crashing, but I'm not sure exactly what that something is. Maybe I'm feeling all of this because I don't really know where I'm headed. A lot of my friends have these amazing "Five Year Plans" or know exactly what they want to do for a career. I don't. I have goals, and I have dreams, and I have a lot of ideas, but I'm kind of taking things one step at a time right now. And I think I'm okay with that.

I can deal with this unsurity (which is not a word, but it should be) because I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way. I believe that even our Savior, Jesus Christ felt unsure at times. We've been studying the differences in the word choice between the Gospels in my New Testament class and I found one example particularly intriguing. In Luke's account of Christ's baptism, the wording is slightly different than in the other Gospels. Rather than the voice of God speaking to the multitude saying, "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:17) the Father says, "Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased" (Luke 3:22). This slight difference in wording totally changed my perspective on the story. In Luke's account, it sounds like before this moment, Jesus may not have known that He was the literal Son of God. We know Jesus was a very spiritual child, but this could have been the first time that He truly realized what His mission on this earth would be.

Talk about unsurity.

How jarring would it be to go from living your life as a carpenter in the quiet village of Nazareth to being the Savior of the World? To go from living the Jewish Law to having a power that goes above and beyond that law? To learn that your life would end in agony on a cross in order to save the world, even those who crucified you?

He had a choice. This life is all about choices. He chose to give up His life for the sake of us all.

My unsurity doesn't seem like such a big thing anymore. I can deal with it. I can learn from my mistakes and try something different. And if nothing else, I have a loving brother who has suffered all things so He can better understand my trials. He cares about my problems, no matter how small, and He loves me no matter what.

And I am totally sure about that.

He Was Just a Nobody

We just finished studying the Gospel of Mark in my New Testament class here at Brigham Young University. I love the Bible, I love the language of the King James Version, and I love the stories about our Savior. But I must admit, I probably don't know as much about the Bible as I should. Going through the list of books in the Bible, I always just thought Mark was one of the Twelve Disciples. But he wasn't.

That may not seem like a significant fact, but it meant something to me. And it is significant, because it shows that Mark was the true author of that particular Gospel - there's no reason to attribute those writings to him because he isn't a significant character in the story of Christ. But his story is significant. Mark also wrote his Gospel with very little skill in Greek, keeping a lot of the words that Jesus spoke in Aramaic, His native tongue. Mark wasn't extremely well educated. He wasn't one of the chosen twelve. He was just a man who followed the teachings of Jesus and made a record of Jesus' story. And just look at what a difference he made! The Gospel of Mark is the most detailed narrative of the Atonement, Crucifixion, and Resurrection that we have.

Mark was nothing more than a humble follower of Jesus Christ. He wrote the words of his friend, Peter, and the result is an amazing book of scripture.

That idea makes me look at this blog a little differently. I know that the things I write will never become canonized scripture or anything even remotely like unto it, but I can share my testimony of the Savior, just like Mark.

I'm feeling very grateful today. I'm at a wonderful university with wonderful friends who truly care about me. I have wonderful parents who set a great example for me. I have a testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He lives. I know He loves me, personally. I know that He cares about each one of us here on the earth and that He truly does know our pains and sufferings. The Atonement allowed Jesus to redeem us from our sins as well as feel our pains, that "His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor His people." (Alma 7:12) This is one of my favorite, favorite scriptures. I love it. Succor means "run to." What an amazing statement. Christ suffered so He could better understand our sufferings and run to our aid at the times we need Him most. Even if we're like Mark, simple a believer who is willing to share their testimony with the world.