Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Something That May or May Not Be Worth Reading

I've been studying serious stuff too much & this has been bouncing around my head for some time, so it needed to get out.

Hey, blog, it's been awhile,

I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing pretty well. Working hard, staying busy, thinking about editing internships in Boston and San Francisco, and actually sleeping for a decent number of hours each night. I give people grades, which gives me the oddly mixed feelings of power and intimidation. It's like all of the sudden I had to grow up a bit and be responsible, like I could finally keep up with all of this, like I could be that almost-adult person that keeps a job and goes to school, like I could measure up to all the expectations, but sometimes these big decisions still scare the crap out of me.

I don't cook as much as I used to, but with all these hours of sleep, I've had plenty of time to dream. I've been listening to lots of new music and digging up some old favorites, but I still listen for the lyrics first. I've helped a few friends through some hard times, made a playlist of communal grieving, and wished that sometimes my memory wasn't quite so vivid. There have been lots of things that I've wanted to write, but it seems like I never have the time. Or maybe I just didn't have the courage. Or maybe it just didn't need to be said in the first place. Nah... it must have been the time thing.

But I feel like I've had a fresh start. I got myself a new backpack and a whole load of editing books to fill it up. I even bought myself a pair of skinny jeans, which seems oddly monumental. I wear jewelry on occasion, now, but my tied bracelets from India are still going strong after six months - maybe the love makes them stronger than normal strings.

So, although I wish it were springtime already, on this weepy, drippy sort of winter day, life is pretty good. And even though I haven't said much lately, I'm still here, still breathing, still thinking, still dreaming, still jabbering, still wondering. I'll be back, maybe when I have more time to write silly things of no great import. Or maybe I'll just figure out how to juggle all of these things that some might call "life."

Until then, keep listening - the music always changes.


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