Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve (okay, technically it's Christmas, but since I've yet to go to bed, we're gonna call it Christmas Eve) & I just finished wrapping up the last of the presents. My fingers have a slight tinge of news print color to them, as I've taken on my daddy's tradition of wrapping packages in newspaper. However, I like to add satin ribbons. I think it's great.

I've been banished from the living room for the time being, so I thought I would write a new blog post to wish you all MERRY CHRISTMAS! I love the holidays; they mean lots of baking and tasty treats, lots of family and friends, lots of laughter and reminiscing. Christmastime especially makes me miss those that aren't with me but also makes me appreciate the loved ones that surround me.

My eyes are starting to get sleepy and sugar plums are starting to crowd my vision (not that I've ever actually seen a sugar plum...) so I think I best be finished for this evening, rather than give in to my tendency to late-night ramblings. So:

Merry Christmas to all & to all a good night!

Through His Name

Tomorrow is my last day in my New Testament class here at Brigham Young University. Whoa. Little bit of time vertigo. Can it really be time for finals already? Life blows by SO fast. Here are a few of my final thoughts as we wrap up this semester.

One of my favorite things that Dr. Holtzapfel highlighted this semester was in the 20th chapter of John, 31st verse, which reads, "But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name."

I suppose I've noticed this verse before, but I've never really taken the time to think about what it means, especially that last line - that believing ye might have life through his name. That really hit me in class Tuesday. These scriptures weren't written JUST so we can believe - that's definitely important, but it's not the main point.

So what's the main point? The main point is in how we live our lives. And we are to live our lives "through his name." This phrase has always interested me, partially because I don't fully understand it. But to me, it means living in a way that Jesus would support, in a way that He would be willing to claim you as His. You take a share in His name, you honor His name, and you show the way you feel about the Gospel through the way you live. Your everyday actions testify of Christ and His Gospel. You don't need to preach at anyone; rather, you live in a way that shows your testimony every day.

That being said, I have some goals. I figure if I post them here on the World Wide Web, I'll feel at least a little accountable and therefore, actually do them.
1-Stop Griping- Sometimes I get on these complaining rants, when really, I have nothing to complain about. I have an awesome life. I'm like, seriously, so blessed. (kidding, kidding...)
2-Oft Speak Kind Words- I can, on occasion, be a bit cruel in the comments I make. I need to stop that.
3-Care More About My Friends - I have really awesome friends & I'm not nearly as good to them as I should be.
4- Be a Better Listener - I don't always really focus on what someone else is saying to me, yet I get really annoyed when people don't pay attention or talk over me. That makes me a bit of a hypocrite, but I shall (try to) change.

Thanks to Dr. Holtzapfel for a great semester!

ALSO - I know the new color scheme & Christmas music is TOTALLY cheesy. But I don't care. I like Christmas & I felt like making a new header to show off my mad photoshop skills. So, feel free to think I'm ridiculous, but know I'm quite enjoying relishing in the Christmas Season & I don't care if you think I'm silly.

The Reason For The Season

If you can't tell by the new color scheme & playlist, I'm a big fan of Christmas. It makes me happy all over. I've been think about WHY it makes me so happy a lot lately.

Christmas makes me feel like a little girl again. I don't like new Christmas music; I'm quite content to listen to the same CDs over & over again, especially the Vienna Boys Choir & the one my parents got from Taco Bell. And I love Christmas music from the days of Nat King Cole, Judy Garland, and Dean Martin. There are so many great memories, so many home videos of Christmas Time, so many family stories that get told every year at the our traditional Lights On Party. Christmas is like going back & living all those happy memories all over again.

I feel like Christmas is one of those holidays that is timeless, but was probably even better in a simpler time, a time before iPods and X-box, before texting (yuck) and Amazon.com, before Marie Callender's Pies & gift cards. I'm not saying those things are bad...sometimes I just think it would be nice to go back to the time when all of my favorite vintage ornaments were new.

Christmas makes me appreciate the ones I love more than any other time of year. All I want to do is surround myself with all of my favorite people, drink hot chocolate, & talk about the best of times & the great times to come. Christmas is a time for family & friends. You get in touch with the people that you don't hear from often, but still love. You get Christmas cards from all over & never fail to be shocked at how all the kids grow up.

Mostly, I love Christmas because of the spirit it brings. It's a time of year when we all think about ourselves a little less & care about others a little more. What could be more fitting for a holiday that's truly about the One who gave His all for each of us? We're studying the Atonement & the Crucifixion right now in my New Testament class, which has been really interesting. Not the usually Christmas story found in Luke 2, but just as important to the Christmas season. We eat candy canes that symbolize Christ's sacrifice. We put up evergreen trees that symbolize the gift of eternal life He has given to all of us. Christmas is about more than just the Birth of Christ - it's about his entire life.

Christmas is full of so many things - family, friends, ginger snaps, memories, music, good food, Christmas trees, snow (hopefully!), yummy smells, lights, tacky home-made ornaments, our Savior, laughter, life, & love.

Merry Christmas!

There's No Place Like Home

I love my house. It's very cozy (which is one of those polite ways of saying really, really little; then again, there are three people in my family. Little works.) I just love being here. And since I've been into making lists lately, here's my list of reasons I love my little house in the country:

-the SMELL! I walk in to my house & it smells like apples (we have boxes full of apples from our orchard all over our basement), my mom's lotion (Amber Romance), and a tiny hint of woodsmoke from our fireplace. Today it smells especially amazing; there's a blackberry pie in the oven, we're working on stuffing & turkey, cranberry sauce, and orange rolls. It. Is. GLORIOUS.

-my Mommy. She loves me. She's funny. She makes yummy food & lets me sleep in & makes me laugh. We cook yummy things together.

-my Daddy. He's hilarious. He's decided that he wants Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" to be played at his funeral-not that he's planning that anytime soon. Maybe he's got a slightly twisted sense of humor, but I love him. He really gets into Thanksgiving - he's been reading up on turkey prep techniques for weeks. Who knew that gravy was so scientific?

-the music. As you may have noticed if you have spent any time around me, I'm a big fan of music. I have crazy tastes all over the billboard charts. It's genetic. I've spent the last few days blasting everything from Jimmy Eat World to Eva Cassidy, Michael Bublé to Red Hot Chili Peppers, Don McLean to Flight of the Conchords, Switchfoot to Sara Barielles, Eve 6 to Colors, & about 100 other bands. & my parents like it just as much as I do. We all sing along, even dance on occasion. It's pretty much the best thing ever.

- my friends. I have so many wonderful friends that love & support me & make me laugh - mostly my Kristen Elise. I don't know if she realizes how much I love her - she's such an awesome friend & she just blends right in to the crazy Holloway family dynamic. & loves it. She puts up with my sappiness & picture love, wrestles with me, and speaks my language. Seriously - she understands all the weird phrases and quotations. It's amazing.

-the stars. I cannot even express the sorrow that the sky in Provo infuses in my soul. It's so dull. I LOVE the stars here. I practically had a seizure driving home late Tuesday night when I realized I was out of the light pollution & spent the next hour with my forehead pressed up against the window in awe. The stars here make me feel so small, and yet so special. I know that sounds odd, but it's an amazing feeling to realize that amid all of THAT out there, my Father in Heaven, "who rules among the stars," still cares about that minuscule speck labeled "Kelsey."

-Love. I feel surrounded by love here. My bright green-walled bedroom with white eyelet curtains & pale blue bedding = Love. Kristen bringing me pictures, tackling me, and making slug breadsticks and pumpkin pie = Love. My daddy shaking his non-existent butt & singing along with the Chili Peppers at the top of his lungs = Love. My mommy hugging me, speaking with me in funny accents, and making all sorts of amazing delicious things = Love. This house = love. Having this Thanksgiving together when so many years ago we thought it would be our last = love. All of my photographs plastered on my closet door of so many memories = Love. All the music I grew up listening to = Love.

Being here with the people I love, surrounded by good smells and warm memories - I don't know if I could be any happier at this moment or more grateful for my little family in our little house in (well, 8 miles outside of) our little hick town.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just Wonderin'

I think that BYU is a bit...peculiar. =) Here is my short list of reasons why:

-People randomly burst into song on campus all the time, especially around the Holidays.

-Tons of people sleep on campus (including myself). Apparently this is not normal college behavior?

-A lot of the students are married/have kids.

-Disney music is totally cool.

-The library is full of Christmas decorations. There are Christmas Trees on every floor, garlands on the banisters, and random piles of wrapped packages in various locations. Will someone please tell me if this is normal? I have no idea. I kinda don't think so.

-People tend to smile.

I think I like all of this weirdness, but it is a bit different. But who ever wanted to be exactly like everyone else? I think it's awesome. Slightly ridiculous at times, (c'mon people, let's at least wait until after Thanksgiving to play Christmas music constantly) but it keeps life interesting. & happy.

Life is Beautiful

I find myself saying this a lot. I know, I know, it's very cliché, but it expresses my sentiments very well. I don't mean to say that life is always rosy or that every day is happy. That's not it at all. I think we learn to take the good with the bad, the joy with the sorrow, the laughter with the tears. Opposition in all things. But I feel like that balance of positive and negative is really crucial. It always seems like the little things that I probably wouldn't even think about are just absolutely wonderful when I'm dealing with something not-so-beautiful.

There are so many kinds of beautiful. There's the natural beauty of a tree, the human beauty of a pretty face, the pure beauty of a newborn baby, the affecting beauty of a piece of art, the beauty in the movement of a dancer. And then there's a sort of heart wrenching beauty of something so sweet, so perfect, and so amazing that you want to somehow be connected with it, to reach out and touch it, so see if you could somehow affect such beauty. I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes something lovely and why we all like such different things. What would the world be like if we all liked the same things? Boring? Perfect? Peaceful? Contentious?

So, this post doesn't really have a purpose or any deep meaning, it's just me rambling a bit. But on occasion I like to fling my ramblings out into the void, just to see if they come back or hit anyone along the way. *fling!*

The Best of Bad News

Isn't it funny how sometimes even bad news can seem totally
wonderful? I was the blessed recipient of such news yesterday
- my daddy's cancer is back, but it's the same cancer it always
has been. Now, that sounds like awful news, but we were
expecting SO much worse. This truly is such a blessing and I
want to send my thanks and love out to all of you who were
pulling for him and my family all over the world, whether in
India, Chile, the East Coast, or right here in Utah. There is
power in prayer. This truly is miraculous news. I am so happy,
so grateful, so relieved, and very hopeful. My mother wrote a
great letter to many of our close friends and family that I'd like
to share.

Dear Friends and Family,

We have been so blessed by your love and prayers. We have felt 
your loving arms around us in spirit and in person and we so 
appreciate it.

We saw Ken's doctor today for the final results on the tumor biopsy. 
Ken and I were very nervous as it has been a busy and stressful 
couple of weeks. We received the "BEST OF THE BAD NEWS" to 
quote Dr. Kushner. (Ahem - no, that was me that said that.) The 
lymphoma has NOT changed into an aggressive type (as was 
anticipated) and Ken will be treated with the same type of chemo 
as he had 3 years ago. This treatment is much more tolerable 
and makes his own immune system fight off the cancer. Ken will 
receive 4 treatments, 1 each week the next four weeks with the 
first starting tomorrow morning. It is a 6 to 8 hour infusion starting 
at 7:30am. This news from Dr. Kushner today was quite different 
from what he told us 2 long weeks ago. He initially felt very 
strongly that the lymphoma had changed and had laid out a whole 
different plan for Ken which included going through bone marrow 
transplant. So today’s news was, we feel another miracle in our 
lives (I hope we haven't used up our allotment). We still have 
challenges ahead with the treatment that Ken will receive but we 
feel greatly relieved not to be facing the BIG stuff.

So with this news we send our heartfelt gratitude to each of you 
for your prayers, love and concern. We also recognize the blessings 
of the Lord's hand in each step that we have been through now 
and through the years. We are truly blessed and have learned to 
greet each day with thankful hearts.

With so much love and thanks,
Corrie & Ken

There is always a silver lining. Daddy will be done with chemo
before Christmas. I think that, and still having him here with me
after all these years, is the greatest gift I could have this year.

Cutlery in the Road

Sometimes we come to a fork in the road. Other times we don't realize that something significant has changed until we look back and see the new direction our lives have taken. Sometimes the decisions we think are huge don't actually make that much difference. And sometimes a lot of forks seem to present themselves at once.

Today is one of those days.

I feel like I've got a whole pile of cutlery in my road right now. This isn't necessarily a bad thing...just a lot of decisions to be made - big, small, school, life, love, family, serious, and silly. Wa-bam. I was looking for a bit of change, a few new opportunities, a new direction - a new fork. I got the whole utensil drawer. And a can opener.

Today is decision day. My daddy has an appointment with his doctor this afternoon to find out what sort of cancer monster we're dealing with in Round 3. If it's the same lymphoma that he's had in the past, he'll probably start an amazing new type of chemo, the same type of treatment he did in Round 2, today or tomorrow. It won't be fun, but it will be better than our other option. If the cancer has morphed into a more aggressive lymphoma, then he'll yet again experience the joy of CHOP chemo. And when I say joy...well, let's just say I'm being a bit sarcastic.

Knives, forks, spoons - everything is out on the table today. I've been a lot more bold than I usually am in many ways. I'm also feeling very blessed, despite all of these decisions. Just the fact that I'm making all of these choices shows me how many totally incredible opportunities and experiences I've had in my life. I have wonderful friends who care about me. I find comfort (see verse 18) in the scriptures (verse 12) and am soothed by wise words in the lyrics of my favorite songs. I am also having a lot of fun with hyper-link. Lots of good stuff. If you haven't heard these songs, do yourself a favor and give them a listen. ("Hope for the Hopeless" should be playing now - see playlist at the bottom of the page.)

I'm staying positive and looking forward with hope. And if that's the best I can do right now, I feel like that's enough.


Also for your viewing pleasure, slightly amusing description of monoclonal antibodies - like the type used in the first treatment option.

Hope & Comfort

I'm one of those people who really like to mark up their scriptures. You know the people I'm talking about - their scriptures are covered in that signature "LDS Scripture Marker" red. I think I've inherited this tendency from my daddy, whose scriptures are virtually unreadable in some places. I take it even a step further. My scriptures look like a multi-colored quilt and every color has an assigned meaning or time period. (I'm currently in my blue period.) I'm constantly writing notes and important happenings in the margins. Some of my friends think so much color is sacrilegious. I think it's awesome - I love looking back and seeing what scriptures meant a lot to me three years ago or where I was reading when so-and-so got their mission call.

Why the discussion of my polychromatic study habits? Well, there's one scripture in John that has reached the unreadable level, but it doesn't much matter, because I have it memorized. It has been one of my very favorite scriptures for a very long time. In it, Jesus Christ simply states, "I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you."

When I was younger, this scripture brought tranquility when I woke from a nightmare in the middle of the night. When I was a little bit older, it meant peace when girls were mean and I was lonely in those awkward junior high years. During my sophomore year of high school, it took on yet another meaning when my daddy suffered a relapse of his Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own, and I hated to have people watch me struggle, so I told almost no one. I was really good at putting on a happy face, but I wanted so badly for someone to call me out, to realize that I was fighting for control of my life and my emotions...and loosing. But even then, I found comfort in the scriptures, knowing that I had an Older Brother and Savior who loves me deeply and personally. "I will not leave you..." That intimate phrase seemed directed right for me - my Savior was there by my side when I needed Him most.

And so that brings us to today. Commence Round Three. That little Lymphoma monster that has been sleeping for four years is back. We're still playing the waiting game with test results right now, but the tentative plan is for Daddy to start chemo within the next week. However, the tests that he's been doing for the past 2 weeks have given us many things to be grateful for and there are many treatment options that weren't available just four years ago. (For my good friends that are hearing about this for the first time through blog, I am so very sorry. I'm still not very good at telling people.)

In the last round, I refused to let my friends in when so many of them would have been more than happy to help me through a hard time. But I'm not going to hide behind a facade this time. Sometimes I can't keep my happy face, but I always keep my faith. I believe in the power of prayer. Already we've seen so many miracles and there is much to be grateful for. But my daddy could use your prayers and your positive thoughts.

Also, I know there are many others out there who are fighting similar battles. I'd like to help. I've been through this a few times now - sometimes I handle it really well, sometimes I don't. But I've learned a few things that I'd like to share:
-you can choose to be happy -your attitude is totally up to you
-there is always a silver lining
-hugs and friends are wonderful
-just knowing that people are pulling for you is very powerful
-miracles happen everyday
-laughter is the best medicine
-happiness can be shared
-Our Savior loves each of us and knows how to help us through any trial
-prayers are often answered through people - let them in!
Well, friends, now you know. A few of my blogs have already been about all of this, and I'm sure that many in the future will be, just so you know where I'm coming from. I love you all. Thank you for your support and prayers. Be happy - life is beautiful.

False Advertising Much?

I saw this ad earlier this morning & I just had to laugh.

From Flab to Fab in 2 Weeks!

Sounds good & it's gotta work, right? I mean, they've got pictures!

But hey...wait...is a change in skin color a typical reaction to this diet?

:S

Beware of advertising, people. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Can make for a good dose of humor, though.

My Mama Told Me...

"You can either laugh or cry." Here's my pro-laughter list:

-crying makes my eyes itchy and red.

-crying also makes my nose run.

-laughing is good for your heart.

-laughter is contagious, in a good kind of way that brightens everyone's day and occasionally incapacitates those around you in brief moments of pure hilarity.

-laughter burns calories.

-therefore, laughter allows me to eat more cookies/brownies/batter thereof.

I choose to laugh.

Ponderings = New Random Blog Post

If you meander over to the right hand side of your screen, you'll see a list of blogs I love. Reading all of your posts makes me excessively happy and occasionally ponderous. So here are some random thoughts that I'd like to send out into the void.

-I have a wonderful family full of love. They make life rich and are always there through hard times. I love you all.

-I have really boring hair. I never do anything exciting to it. So...what does that way about me? Is my personality stagnant? Goodness, I sure hope not. Maybe it shows that I am a steady person, content with my surrounds and the appearance of my head. Maybe it shows that I'm a little afraid of taking risks and making long term commitments; I'd rather release my inner ADD through music. Maybe my affection for my long locks tells everyone that I'm a tad old-fashioned as well as part hippie. Anyone wanna help me out here?

- If - holy crap, that's now three people that have called me in the last 15 minutes. Wow, I must be loved. ;D Sorry, y'all, I'm in the library - shhh zone. But thanks for the cheerful messages!

-If you are what you eat, I must be spicy. It seems like I put salsa on everything these days, justifying this picante addiction with this rational: Salsa is made up of tomatoes, onions, garlic, and peppers and is therefore, a vegetable. Since we have established that salsa is a vegetable, and everyone knows that vegetables are good for you, salsa is therefore good for me. I must also be relatively high in carbohydrates, as I mostly eat cereal, sandwiches, beans, rice, baked potatoes, and pasta (with salsa on everything but the cereal). I also must be a savory character, as I put salt on everything, even, on occasion, toast.

-I have a dilemma: I really want to go to this absolutely amazing concert (ft. Secondhand Serenade & Cute Is What We Aim For - two of my favorites!)... but it's the night before Thanksgiving. I want to get home ASAP... but I'm not leaving Provo until Wednesday afternoon... it would just be a few more hours...decisions, decisions.

Alrighty, well, that's enough rambling for this evening.

Keep your smile.

Proposition 8

I'm usually not one for political bashing and I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been the most adamant follower of the recent election or the debate of Proposition 8 in California.

BUT

I was reading a few news stories this morning and tripped on to a few websites that appalled me. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormon Church) has been brutally slandered by the campaign against Prop 8. A commercial has been aired that show two LDS missionaries breaking into the house of a lesbian couple, taking away their rings, and shredding their marriage license. Where do you people come up with this stuff?! NOTHING could be further from the truth. The LDS Church does not support gay marriage, but this is just ridiculous.

These hateful attacks are just that - pure hate. We have shown respect for those we disagree with, and they have returned that respect with lies, false accusations, and slander. Talk about intolerance.

How could there be goodness in a movement fueled by so much hate? I will freely admit, the LDS Church isn't free from problems. It is a massive religious organization run by human beings with human faults. Leaders make mistakes. People do terrible things. But the poor choices of a few Mormons does NOT make the entire Church evil! We have our flaws, but that is what makes us human. I'm sure that I could find criminal cases involving lesbians, but I'm not going to pin that on the entire gay community.

Let's show a little respect for each other. We can disagree without such hate and cruelty. As I learned in LDS Primary as a child, "Kindness Begins with Me."

Sometimes It Rains

I've had a lot to think about on this rainy day. I love rain. I makes me pensive, but in a good way. Rain is oddly comforting, especially today. It makes me want to curl up with a comfy blanket and a good book, or maybe cozy up with a friend for a reflective chat, or even just lie on my bed, stare out at the clouds, and let my mind drift where ever it will.

Today I'm drifting around slightly melancholy thoughts. I think I'm headed toward some rainy days in my life right now. Just like the rain, it makes me introspective. The ways of the world seem a little less important than they did yesterday when the sun was shining and the news was blaring about the upcoming election.

But still, as I look up at the cloudy sky, I see a glimpse of blue. That little speck of blue has been growing for the last few minutes and I think that the sun will be making a cameo appearance any time now. Even behind the clouds, there are always blue skies. Which brings me to my theme song for the week, "Why Worry?" courtesy of the wonderful 80s band Dire Straits.

Baby I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby I'll wipe away those bitter tears
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into grey

Why worry, there should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now?

Baby when I get down I turn to you
And you make sense of what I do
I know it isn't hard to say
But baby just when this world seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And the rest is pushed away

Why worry, there should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now?

I'm hopeful. I'm strong. I'm okay with rainy days.

Plus - the rain gives me the chance to show off my fabulously girly new umbrella. It has polka dots & a ruffle.

Bring on the rain.

All Better

Cley was able to leave the hospital and go home yesterday. Hopefully he'll be back to his chipper little self soon!

My Little Cley-Man

My little man at our big family Christmas Party last year.

Cley is my buddy. He is my cousin Tiff's little boy and pretty much the cutest thing ever. But he's sick right now. His little belly has been very mad for a few days, so he's now in the hospital here in Provo. He's been on my mind and in my prayers a lot lately.

Get well, soon, Cley-Man! I love you!

Floating

I've had quite a few comments on my "Going Under?" post, both on facebook & on my blog, so I wanted to write a follow up on a slightly brighter note, although I did not mean that post to seem melancholy.(if you're a facebook follower, please check out the real deal - rush-slowly.blogspot.com).

I loved reading all of your comments, and I am so glad that I have so many awesome friends, but I just wanted to give a little clarification: I'm really incredibly happy! A few of you seemed a bit worried about me - don't be. Life is good. In fact, life is GREAT. Life is crazy, insane, busy, and slightly sleep deprived, but I'm having the time of my life. *hums that great song from the soundtrack of original Dirty Dancing - my mom still has that tape stashed under her bed*

Keep your smile. There is something beautiful in every single day, some days you just have to look for it. Today isn't one of those days for me. Today was one of those mornings when you just wake up happy and things only get better.

Here is my list of top ten reasons for being deliciously happy:
1- I have great room mates. They love me a lot. We have a great quote wall of endless joy and amusement.

2- I love my classes, even if they keep me up studying past midnight. I think I have the most interesting/amazing/fascinating/cool/random/useful, yes useful! major ever. I could keep slashing for ages, but I'll restrain. I've decided that when people ask me what I'm going to do with a Major in Humanities w/ English Emph. & a Minor in Editing, I'll say, "I'm going to be awesome, brilliantly knowledgeable, teach my children to love the arts, and be totally content." If they ask me how I want to make money, well, that's just entirely different. (& I know a few answers to that question too.)

3- I recently discovered that you can fit 4 roommates into one XL Monopoly shirt. 4 roomies + one shirt + a lotta love = best midnight photoshoot EVER!

Sadly, Jess was asleep. :(

4-The sky is a gorgeous shade of blue and the leaves are gorgeous in their yellow and red glory.

5- I have a Savior who loves me and cares for me individually, who answers prayers and comforts me, whether I'm bothered by grades, illness, sadness, silly boy crap, or worrying about my family. Doesn't matter. He is always there for me, I just have to let Him in.

6- I celebrated my Halloween with my best friends as almost the entire cast of Peter Pan & Jason Bourne/James Bond, 'cause famous literary characters like ourselves need someone with two itty bitty toy handguns to protect us.Jas. Hook(Jason), Smee(Sae), Peter Pan(Carrie), Tiger Lily(Jess), & Wendy(me!) -
Not pictured - Bodyguard/Jason Bourne/James Bond (Michael)

7- There is a BYU Hockey game tonight versus the evil university of utah. (so bad it doesn't even deserve proper noun status)

8- I have goodly parents who love me so much it's ridiculous.

9- I slept in this morning. yum.

10- YOU! You make me deliciously happy because you are reading my blog!

Have an absolutely glorious day!

(I think I'm going to go buy the soundtrack from Dirty Dancing now - rockin' awesome combination of eighties slow jams and sixties pop. So good.)

Behold

It's kind of an interesting word, don't you think? Behold- the way they say "look" in the scriptures. The dictionary definition goes like so:

behold |biˈhōld|
verb ( past and past part. -held |-ˈheld|) [ trans. ] [often in imperative ] archaic or poetic/literary
see or observe (a thing or person, esp. a remarkable or impressive one)

Nothing too remarkable about that. But here's where it gets cool:

ORIGIN Old English bihaldan, from bi- [thoroughly] + haldan [to hold.]

Now that's something to think about. It is if you're a word nerd like me, anyway. A lot of times we use "behold" as a very passive verb (I could get technical here, but I'll spare you the transitive/intransitive blah blah blah), but I don't think it is.

Behold.

Look.

But more than just that, really see something, look beyond the paint, see past the brushstrokes, and grasp on to the meaning of the painting. Emotion is what reaches off the wall and grabs your attention. Feel what the subject is feeling. One of the most popular scenes in religious art is the Annunciation. Usually I'm not much of a fan of these scenes, with their pious blue-clad Mary, lilies in a vase, and bowing angels with gaudy wings.
I imagine it a little differently. In my mind, the scene looks a little more like this:I imagine a timid Mary, startled by the presence of a heavenly messenger. I imagine she felt stunned as Gabriel told her that she had been chose to carry the Child who would someday save us all. I think she must have been a little afraid to take such a responsibility on her young shoulders. But Mary accepted this amazing calling. I say accepted because I believe she did have a choice. She could have turned away, she could have given in to her fears, she could have said NO.

She didn't. The master painters always portray Mary with that same gentle smile. She glows with patience, love, and most of all, an inner strength. She held Christ in her arms. He, the Savior of the World, was dependent on her for His every need. She accepted that incredible responsibility with a grace that I can only begin to imagine.

Behold.

Look a little closer. Think a little deeper. Put yourself there, breathe the air, see the sky, be a part of it. Behold the pure white glow of the lilies. Behold the tenderness of Mary. Behold the hesitance of Gabriel.


Behold how much He loves you. Behold how much He wants you to come unto Him.

Going Under?

Sometimes I feel like I'm barely staying on top of all the things I have to do, barely making the cut, barely staying a float. And I'm pretty good at floating. But this college business... it's hard! I think I need about 8 more hours in a day! But my clock doesn't usually agree. Cue the sinking feeling...

After realizing what a crazy busy week was awaiting me, I was ready my scriptures last night. I was reading through Matthew yet again and came upon some scriptures in Matthew 14: 27-32:

" 27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased."

Sometimes when I get super busy like now, I feel like I'm sinking just like Peter. I get so busy watching my feet and trying to make all my deadlines that I forget the important stuff, like my family or my goal to be more kind. Everything gets out of whack and I begin to focus solely on my own safety, just like Peter. But when I remember where my focus really should be, it helps put everything into perspective. And I know that Christ loves me and will keep me above water when I feel like I'm going under. Jesus will stretch out His hand and lift me up to where I belong.

It's Official

I would like to hereby
announce publicly
that I have
MADE A DECISION!

After teetering on the edge for over a year, trying to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life, I have made a major step forward. At least now I know what my major is.

No longer shall I be a Pre-Humanities Major. I didn't like that. It sounds too much like preschool. From today forward I shall officially be known as a Humanities Major w/ English Literature Emphasis and a Minor in Editing.

I would also like to hereby publicly announce that I'm pretty sure this is the most amazing major/minor combination ever. It is incredibly interesting. I love it. Everything comes together in the coolest ways. I find myself using principles of linguistics that I've learned in my editing classes in my humanities essays all the time and learning the etymology of the the English Language has really helped in my study of Spanish, my foreign language of choice, which is part of the Humanities Major. Sweet, huh?

"I'm Majoring in Humanities with an emphasis in English. I'm also working toward a Minor in Editing."

It sounds official. It IS official. I like this official business.

Caught In Suspension

Have you ever felt like your falling, but not really going anywhere at all?

It seems like the past few weeks have been like that. Not that anything is going wrong, or that I have a terrible life, or anything even remotely depressing like that. I'm actually quite content with my life. Not only am I happy right now, but I have a lot of things to look forward to: going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, going to India next summer, some of my best friends get home from their missions in February, March, and June, two of my best friends are awaiting their mission calls, and I get to sleep in tomorrow. The future has the potential to be amazing. It's up to me to look at it that way. Life is good.

But still... I've just felt a bit unsettled of late, like I'm falling, but still managing to stay in the air. I'm not sure how exactly that works. I really do feel like I'm "caught in suspension" (Oh how I love the lyrical genius of Mae). Something is holding me, keeping me from crashing, but I'm not sure exactly what that something is. Maybe I'm feeling all of this because I don't really know where I'm headed. A lot of my friends have these amazing "Five Year Plans" or know exactly what they want to do for a career. I don't. I have goals, and I have dreams, and I have a lot of ideas, but I'm kind of taking things one step at a time right now. And I think I'm okay with that.

I can deal with this unsurity (which is not a word, but it should be) because I'm not the only one who has ever felt this way. I believe that even our Savior, Jesus Christ felt unsure at times. We've been studying the differences in the word choice between the Gospels in my New Testament class and I found one example particularly intriguing. In Luke's account of Christ's baptism, the wording is slightly different than in the other Gospels. Rather than the voice of God speaking to the multitude saying, "This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:17) the Father says, "Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased" (Luke 3:22). This slight difference in wording totally changed my perspective on the story. In Luke's account, it sounds like before this moment, Jesus may not have known that He was the literal Son of God. We know Jesus was a very spiritual child, but this could have been the first time that He truly realized what His mission on this earth would be.

Talk about unsurity.

How jarring would it be to go from living your life as a carpenter in the quiet village of Nazareth to being the Savior of the World? To go from living the Jewish Law to having a power that goes above and beyond that law? To learn that your life would end in agony on a cross in order to save the world, even those who crucified you?

He had a choice. This life is all about choices. He chose to give up His life for the sake of us all.

My unsurity doesn't seem like such a big thing anymore. I can deal with it. I can learn from my mistakes and try something different. And if nothing else, I have a loving brother who has suffered all things so He can better understand my trials. He cares about my problems, no matter how small, and He loves me no matter what.

And I am totally sure about that.

He Was Just a Nobody

We just finished studying the Gospel of Mark in my New Testament class here at Brigham Young University. I love the Bible, I love the language of the King James Version, and I love the stories about our Savior. But I must admit, I probably don't know as much about the Bible as I should. Going through the list of books in the Bible, I always just thought Mark was one of the Twelve Disciples. But he wasn't.

That may not seem like a significant fact, but it meant something to me. And it is significant, because it shows that Mark was the true author of that particular Gospel - there's no reason to attribute those writings to him because he isn't a significant character in the story of Christ. But his story is significant. Mark also wrote his Gospel with very little skill in Greek, keeping a lot of the words that Jesus spoke in Aramaic, His native tongue. Mark wasn't extremely well educated. He wasn't one of the chosen twelve. He was just a man who followed the teachings of Jesus and made a record of Jesus' story. And just look at what a difference he made! The Gospel of Mark is the most detailed narrative of the Atonement, Crucifixion, and Resurrection that we have.

Mark was nothing more than a humble follower of Jesus Christ. He wrote the words of his friend, Peter, and the result is an amazing book of scripture.

That idea makes me look at this blog a little differently. I know that the things I write will never become canonized scripture or anything even remotely like unto it, but I can share my testimony of the Savior, just like Mark.

I'm feeling very grateful today. I'm at a wonderful university with wonderful friends who truly care about me. I have wonderful parents who set a great example for me. I have a testimony of my Savior Jesus Christ. I believe that He lives. I know He loves me, personally. I know that He cares about each one of us here on the earth and that He truly does know our pains and sufferings. The Atonement allowed Jesus to redeem us from our sins as well as feel our pains, that "His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor His people." (Alma 7:12) This is one of my favorite, favorite scriptures. I love it. Succor means "run to." What an amazing statement. Christ suffered so He could better understand our sufferings and run to our aid at the times we need Him most. Even if we're like Mark, simple a believer who is willing to share their testimony with the world.

Random Question

Life is Random, and so am I. (Very unoriginal, I know, but I like the sentiment.) I thought this random profile info question was too funny to just let it disappear into oblivion when I got a new question. So here 'tis.

You laughed so hard you can't catch your breath. Stick out your tongue and show us what's funny:

My roommate, Carrie, & I sometimes have growl fests when we're frustrated. It's a good way to relieve stress, and we usually end up on the floor, laughing. So next time you're just sick of everything, strike a pose and growl it out.

The Good News

I have a big brother who I love very, very much. We're not actually siblings, not even cousins, not even related at all, but we've been through a lot together. He helped me survive my sophmore year of high school and my daddy's first relapse. I'm his go to girl when he's incredibly bored and needs some one to talk to while driving tractor for endless hours. We go on dates so we can make fun of the couples that double with us. He's my Tater Bro and I'm his Lil' Spitz. Sometimes a girl just needs a big brother to take care of her, and Tate is an awesome brother to have. I am so glad he adopted me. ;D

This dear brother of mine called me last night to tell me the best piece of news I have heard in a long time: He's going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have never heard so much determination or emotion in Tate's voice as when he said, "There's no if about this anymore; I'm GOING on a mission." I am SO incredibly proud of him.

We spent quite a bit of time on the phone last night, talking about missionaries, focus, the Spirit, and sharing the Gospel (or, as I have recently learned in my New Testament class, "The Good News"). We shared many personal thoughts, insights, and tears. (I'm lucky I didn't short circuit my phone, actually, I was quite weepy.) This has been a long time coming for Tate, and now he's struggling a bit with keeping his focus, so I gave him a To Do List, which I wanted to share with all of you. Now, I'm not the kind of person that regularly makes lists of goals, so this is a bit out of the ordinary for me, but the Spirit was so incredibly strong when we were discussing the list, I felt like it needed to be shared.

1) Pray - Get down on your knees and bare your heart. Put it all on the line and ask the Lord for comfort, guidance, & strength.

2) Read your Scriptures prayerfully and diligently - Really search for answers, encouragement, and direction.

3) Make a list of reasons you want to serve a mission.

4) Make a list of reasons that you are grateful for the Gospel - revise missionary list.

5) Spread the news - tell your friends and family that you're going, ask for their prayers and support, and tell everyone how excited you are to serve the Lord!

6) Get those papers in!
(LDS missionaries must apply to serve a mission, finance their mission, and accept the call to serve, whether it be in Salt Lake City, Mexico, Bulgaria, or any of the 348 mission areas worldwide. See Missionary PR or mormon.org)


7) Remember that you have a little sister who supports you, believes in you, and loves you very much.

#1, #2, and #7 are infinite. This one goes out to you, my Tater Bro, and all the other missionaries, past, present, and, most especially, future! Go forth! Work hard! Spread the "Good News!"

New Blog

Hey! Welcome to my blog - Rush Slowly. Check out my about me section if you want to know about the woman behind the words, or just keep checking back for random updates.

If you're wondering about the name of my blog, I'd be more than happy to explain. "Rush Slowly" is an Indian maxim, reminding one to do things quickly, but thoroughly. I first encountered the phrase on Ron and Joyce Hanson's blog about their time in India, and it has stuck with me. Rush Slowly. There is much to be done, but we can't blast from task to task without stopping to appreciate the simple things. "Rush Slowly" pretty much describes life at my beloved Brigham Young University - there is so much to do! It's easy to get overworked and stressed out when taking classes, participating in church activities (being LDS, or Mormon, greatly affects life at BYU), while still trying to maintain some sort of life outside the library.

So, my friends, "Rush Slowly." Work hard, but play hard. Get things done, but take time to breathe. Move forward, but don't forget past lessons. Focus on your goals, but don't close your mind to other options. Appreciate the world around you. God has created a beautiful place for us to live in and wonderful people for us to live with, take some time to be grateful. Rush Slowly.